life stories

the center of the universe is the brain

Archive for the category “thinking almost out loud”

I Love Winter

Well, would you look at this: Hidden Valley Nature Center has a course that is sure to teach you to love winter. Notice that this course is inĀ Jefferson, ME, a place nearly as hospitable as Anchorage, AK in the winter. No one but no one in Anchorage, or anyplace else in Alaska, would presume that you could be taught to love winter.

Because you can’t. You can put on warm clothes, get a SAD light, take lots of vitamin D and get through winter. It will pass.

Now and then you’ll run into someone who will tell you they love winter but if you look at them sideways, from the corner of your eye, you’ll see they aren’t actually there at all. They are mirages sent through the darkness to make you believe everything is okay.

In a few months it will be.

Think for Yourself

I will tell you what to believe. I will tell you how to vote. I will tell you what is wrong with everyone else so you can feel good about yourself.

I will tell you whom to hate. And then I will tell you to love thy neighbor. But the hate is the important part because you shouldn’t love the wrong people.

I will tell you what to watch on tv and what books to read. I will tell you what your Holy Book means.

I will think for you.

 

 

My Mother is a Rock Star

Marian Call tweeted, “Hey guys — if your mom made an album, what would it be called?” A moment of mulling over this thought gave birth to “Hums from a Passive Aggressive Alcoholic Closeted Lesbian.” Song titles quickly made themselves known and would not be ignored so here’s the lineup:

1. Such a Nice Young Man
2. The Girls at the Coffee Shop
3. Book Club
4. If It’s not Burned, Cook It Longer
5. I’m a Terrible Mother (I’ll Cry until You Tell Me I’m the Best Mom Ever)
6. Vermouth
7. My Daughter Finally Found a White Boy
8. My Hatred I Call Dan
9. Catholic and Afraid to Stop

 

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