life stories

the center of the universe is the brain

Stopping to Breathe

On Monday John accepted a job at KETC in St. Louis. On Tuesday Mom died. On Wednesday I went to work and attempted to put things in order before we left for Seattle on Thursday. Now it is Friday night and we are in our hotel room after attending the rehearsal for Duncan’s wedding and having dinner at 13 Coins.

For the most part I am grateful to have a million things going on around me as I suspect it keeps the waves of grief at bay. I’m also grateful for the activity because if I stop, I may find out the waves of grief are not there.

This is not the first loss I have experienced in my life but it is by far the most complex. Years on the psychiatrist’s couch showed me the levels of sorrow and deprivation. I also uncovered some loving memories that in time will become the mother I remember.

Soon I may stop to breathe but for now I’m going to enjoy this swirling life.

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