life stories

the center of the universe is the brain

The Moment When I’m Okay

I am not a natural caretaker. Tending to my mother as she transitions home after hospitalization for a broken hip is by far the most taxing challenge I’ve ever faced. The stress is nearly endless.

When I first wake up in the morning, there is a moment of complete peace. In that moment I have no thoughts of how I might be able to change my mother’s situation or change my mother’s attitude. I’m just there. Head on the pillow. Warm blankets.

peace

For a moment I am free. The stress of the previous day washed away in dreams and hope takes over. Today is new. It is a new place with unforeseen beauty and I am fully present. No judgments cloud my eyes. No defenses keep me from hearing the purity of this waking moment.

In this moment I am okay. There is a joy that won’t last long but I bask in it before I open my eyes to this reality that is neither of my choosing nor of my making.

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