life stories

the center of the universe is the brain

When I Grow Up

I’m caught in a sink hole of existential angst. When I’m at work, I do my job in a manner I would describe as going through the motions. Without engagement or inspiration.

The past few months, I’ve been searching desperately for inspiration. I didn’t realize what I was searching for until a friend used just that word. Occasionally I grasp at wisps of it when I have the opportunity to work with other people but it doesn’t stick with me or doesn’t seem to belong to me.

Most of my work is done alone and I prefer it that way. In fact, when I close my door and work on web stuff or graphic design, my level of concentration and enjoyment increases. But then when I am with a group of like-minded people talking about resource development, I get jazzed about that.

The challenge seems to be to commit to something within myself. Focus on something, one thing, one aspect of my talent and nurture it. I don’t generally suffer from the Tyranny of Choice but when it comes to limiting my very Self, making choices feels utterly impossible.

My current job offers variety to such an extent that it landed me in the realization that I cannot do it all. I’ve tried. So now what? What do I do? What do I become?

What do I want to do when I grow up?

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